The true measure of how addictive, and successful, a reality show is lies in how quotable it is. And The Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives, which released on Friday, November 27, was filled with some pretty outrageous, catty moments that had us laughing, cringing, rolling our eyes and sometimes, doing all three at once. Here’s a look, in no particular order, at some of the hilarious things Maheep Kapoor, Seema Khan, Bhavana Pandey, Neelam Kothari Soni and by extension, their friends and families said.
Top ten quotes
Ananya Panday to her mother Bhavana: “When I was a kid I thought my name was ‘Fuck’ because you and dad (Chunky Pandey) used it so often around me.”
Arjun Kapoor (on Maheep’s spying abilities): “When Abhishek (Bachchan) and Aishwarya (Rai Bachchan) were getting married, we (Maheep and some members of the Kapoor family) were all standing on the terrace and joined their ceremony thanks to Maheep’s binoculars.”
Maheep Kapoor: “If I don’t abuse you and am extremely polite and well-behaved towards you, it means I don’t like you.”
Seema Khan (on Bhavana’s spiritual skin tightening technique): “I can’t lie about it, I really can’t, but it’s hysterical and mad. Who tightens their skin with reiki?”
Maheep Kapoor (on Bhavana’s choice of footwear at a beach clean-up activity): “Who wears heels at a beach? Who? Bhavana Pandey, that’s who!”
Bhavana Pandey: “I’ve decided our airport look. We’re wearing denim jackets with our names stitched on them.”
*Spoiler Alert – They do wear them. And yes, they look exactly as ridiculous as you’d imagine. Probably more.
Maheep Kapoor (on shopping in Doha): “Of course we go shopping in a Rolls Royce. Is there any other acceptable mode of transport?”
Maheep Kapoor (when Neelam bumped into fans at Doha): “I was surprised Neelam still has fans and they remember her.”
Maheep Kapoor (on Seema Khan telling her she was overacting to the Prince Harry-Meghan Markle resigning from the royal family situation because it didn’t affect Maheep in any manner) “Seema howled and howled when Diana died. Was she her Chachi? No.”
And of course, Bhavana Pandey proving still waters run deep when she volleyed back this perfect shot at the forthright Maheep Kapoor.
Maheep Kapoor: “I tend to get intimidated by men who look prettier or better than me.
Bhavana Pandey: “You must be getting intimidated a lot then.”
And a few notable mentions
Chunky Pandey: “I love making fun of myself. When I got into movies, I called myself Richard Reverse Gere.”
Neelam (on her husband Samir Soni’s remark that he trusts her and would leave her alone in a room with 100 men): “Leave me in a room of 100 men? What does he think I’m going to do? Pounce on them?”
Maheep (on Neelam after she got filler injections): “I was expecting her to look like a Madame Tussauds statue but she actually looks nice.”
Sanjay Kapoor (on daughter Shanaya): “She keeps calling me bro and I have to remind her that main tera baap hoon and not your bro.”
Maheep Kapoor (on Sanjay Kapoor as they’re chilling in Paris): “You can’t take the Chembur out of Sanjay. Not even in Paris.”