From the science of deduction to the science behind methamphetamine, TV shows
have certainly taught us a lot. But in real life, our actions don’t always need to be that extreme. Sometimes, we might just want to tell someone off and get it out of our system. Fortunately for us, television has always come to our rescue. For the next time you want to revile someone, here are 10 insults from our favorite TV shows:
"Like your mother, it’s been previously loved and paid for by a couple of guys."
At work, you might want others to believe that you’re above "Yo Mama" jokes. If you still find that you can’t help yourself, just use Veep’s fancier but equally scathing version!
"If she were a spice, she’d be flour. If she were a book, she’d be two books."
There are a number of insults you can throw someone’s way, but very few can be as harsh as being called as exciting as flour. Louise Belcher sure knows how to say a lot without actually saying too much!
"You’re so Times New Roman."
If you’re looking for something similar to Louise Belcher’s insult but you’ve already used it, this one’s for you. After all, it’s not everyday that someone gets compared to a bland and generic font!
“Don’t talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the whole street.”
We all know an Anderson, don’t we? This is the perfect line for when you’re trying to think and they just won’t stop talking!
"Are we seriously going to let the guy with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do?"
This one’s serious. In fact, we wouldn’t recommend using it unless it’s war. Or the recipient just has a very punchable face.
"What’s that hideous thing growing out of your neck? Ah, never mind. It’s just your head."
If you think dialogues from Veep might be just a little too harsh, you can just take a cue from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. This insult does cut, but not so much that you can’t pass it off as a joke. Win-win!
"Horoscope, what’s that Kimmy? A telescope that can only see your face?"
Though family shows may not always be wholesome or informative, they’re gold mines for not-so-thinly-veiled criticism. Just look at Full House!
"Present, but not all here!"
Don’t we all have that one colleague who isn’t completely there, even when they’re there? This is the perfect insult for them. The best part? They probably won’t get it!
"I don’t criticize you. And if you’re that worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defence."
Lucille Bluth spares no punches, and this line is proof of the same. It can also easily be modified to suit the context and have the optimum effect!
"You know how they say ‘it’s been a pleasure’? Well… It hasn’t."
Have you had to spend a day with someone you don’t like? This is the best way to sign off. Note: It works best if you can master Mike Ehrmantraut’s signature glare.