2013: A Year in (funny) Numbers

With 2013 coming to a celebratory close, unlike Bollywood, it has been an exciting year for sports all over the world. Admittedly, there are still a few crucial cricket test matches on as we speak, but this would be a good time to bring to you our YEAR END list of sports number-crunching and mind-boggling and not entirely accurate statistics. This will cover many arenas- right from the reverse Ashes to India’s dominance at home, right from Liverpool’s surprise Christmas no. 1 spot on the EPL table to Roger Federer’s American-style year, right from Tiger Woods’ barren major streak to Anand’s inevitable Chess Championship loss. 

85: The number of seconds Tendulkar-bashers took to process his emotional speech, before they questioned if he even deserved the no. 4 spot in the Bandra Gymkhana team. 
 
0: The number of friends and family expected to attend Jacques Kallis’ last day as a test cricketer at Durban. 
 
 
0: The amount of sympathy Indian fans have for Kallis after watching him date one of South Africa’s most beautiful women for 8 years. 
 
1.5: The number of minutes taken by most world sports journalists to smugly convince themselves that Pakistan’s cricketers are now clean, explaining their back to back ODI series wins against SA and SL. 
 
1.5: The number of years Shahid Afridi seems to have aged- backwards- after their recent string of consistent wins. 
 
200000: The number of ‘intelligent’ brain cells killed in the professor’s brain (Hafeez) after Steyn made him a sitting duck in the ODI series. 
 
400000: The number of runs the Professor is expected to compile against any bowling attack that does not include genuine quick bowlers and Bangladesh- for example, Sri Lanka, where he was Man Of The Series. 
 
9: The number of countries changed by Raina’s alleged nephew after becoming the most mocked nephew in India. 
 
9: The number of steps Raina takes in the crease while Steyn or Johnson hurtles down towards him in their run-up.  
 
4: The number of years Tiger Woods has gone without a major AND without cheating on his wife. 
 
4: The number of years Tiger Woods has gone without having a wife. 
 
1: The amount of titles won by Roger Federer all year. 
 
11: The number of Roger Federer fans planning to cook up a fake Rafa Nadal doping allegations story and sell it to the Indian media. 
 
5: The number of doubles titles won by Sania Mirza in 2013, making it her best professional year in tennis. 
 
5: The number of men that care about this, now that she is married to an out-of-work Pakistani cricketer. 
 
1: The number of billions that expected Anand to win yet another Chess Championship on home soil. 
 
2: The number of seconds taken by the billion people to understand the magnitude of Carlsen’s genius after a quick Google search. 
 
 
8: The number of people at any point of time that want to murder overzealous over-excited Manchester United fans in denial about the current mediocrity of the team. 
 
8: The number of Liverpool fans that believed they would win the league after holding the no. 1 position at Christmas for only the third time in modern history. 
 
4: The number of hundreds scored by Rohit Sharma on home soil during the India-Australia series. 
 
4: The number of runs he has scored since, after arriving on South African soil. 
 
35: The number of months an Indian test no. 4 had gone without scoring a century. 
 
2.5: The number of hours Kohli took at Johannesburg to remind the world that Tendulkar did NOT go out on his own terms. 
 
2.5: the amount of hours I will be tortured for before being murdered by various Tendulkar fanatics still in denial about the fact that Kallis is, in fact, the greatest modern cricketer of the Tendulkar-era. 
 
10000000: The odds in favour of Australia winning the reverse Ashes 5-0 Down Under. 
 
10000000: The odds in favour of England ever winning a test match again after their performance Down Under. 
 
2: The number of Australian players (Warner, Johnson) redeemed after being mocked all year. 
 
2: The number of facials Watson and Broad will have to share before they redeem themselves in the eyes of cricket fans worldwide. 
 
24: The number of consecutive wins strung together by Djokovic towards the end of the year. 
 
24000: The number of 80s tennis fans returning to the fold after discovering that Lendl (Murray), Becker (Djokovic) and Edberg (Federer) have renewed their rivalry, this time as coaches, once again. 
 
 

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