We all love movies. That’s a given.
You book your tickets in anticipation, reach the theatre on time, buy your popcorn and soft drinks, and grab your seat. Finally, time to unwind with some good ol’ cinema!
But there are a few people in the auditorium who just don’t want you to enjoy the movie. You can’t scold them, because they are genetically inclined towards making life difficult for others.
You can mentally abuse them, yes. And maybe, even give them a nickname and feel proud about your creativity.
So here’s a list that should come in handy. Go ahead, use them freely. We won’t mind.
1. The National Phantom
This nickname is for those who think that they are too cool to stand still for a few seconds. You can identify them easily from their unified groans. Apart from showing utter disregard for the National Anthem, they also turn around, look at others and snicker. They certainly deserve a grand salute. Preferably an aimed 21 gun salute.
2. The Praying Mantis
Everyone is guilty of using their cell phones inside the movie theatre at some point or the other. But there are some who can’t seem to make up their mind. They have to keep checking their phones every ten seconds, and type away like a Praying Mantis on cocaine. Their phone’s display is super bright and their ringtones are super annoying. You can only wish they’d take their eyes off their phone and watch the film for a change.
3. The Munchie King
This is someone who has been starving for ages. And the only food that agrees with his/her stomach is the overpriced junk sold in the theatre’s cafeteria. They stack it neatly on their trays and start gobbling it all up. You can almost hear kids in Africa salivate. Instead of disgust, look at them with pity, and think, “Give your jaws a rest, man. The seats ain’t getting any wider.”
4. The Arnab Goswami
He brings his whole group to the movie. He might even buy their tickets. But his friends, like everyone else in the cinema hall, are not aware of what they are about to be subjected to. The Arnab Goswami is someone who knows way too much about the art of film-making or so he thinks. He can neither keep his trap shut nor let others comment either. This kind of behavior just gets under your skin. You will feel like screaming, “Will you please shut up and let me watch the film? The nation wants to know.”
5. The Cringer
The official smartass of the lot, The Cringer will fume whenever a scene doesn’t play out like he expected. There are two extremes to this person’s behavior. He will either keep quiet and walk out, or keep complaining right till the end credits. You should hope that it is the former.
6. The Man with a Clan
For some people, the ideal family picnic means a trip to the theatre. They come with their mom, dad, grandpa, neighbor, milkman, plumber and a battalion of toddlers in tow. From dropping crumbs of food on to your head to consecutive diaper changes, it seems like the universe is conspiring against you. "I guess your 2-year-old just had to watch the film, didn’t he?"
Using these nicknames might just be the only way to keep your sanity intact inside the auditorium. But here’s a heads-up: Use them with discretion. You do not want to be nicknamed “The Wuss”.