Before you read any further, I’d like to clarify one thing. I love the idea of a new year, a fresh start. What I don’t love are the people. Well, not all of them. With the New Year rapidly approaching, we have a lot of parties to attend and a lot of people to meet. At each party, there’s always someone who really manages to tick you off. This is your definitive guide to identify those people, and run away in the opposite direction, pronto. You’re welcome.
The Drunken Uncles
These guys, with their huge potbellies and their half-finished beers, are the life of any party. With their raucous laughter, generic jokes and repeated requests to play ‘Tunak Tunak’, the drunken uncles are hard to miss. Look for horribly embarrassing dance moves, loud calls for more alcohol and mundane song requests to spot this species.
The Annoying Aunties
This particular breed is adept at rubbing people the wrong way. They say the most stupid things, like “Look at you, you’re all grown up!” Yes, you’ve aged too, and it’s not pretty. They always want to know when you’re getting married, who you’re dating, and when are you getting married. Did someone say marriage?
The Kids Who Ask For Your Phone
These annoying little twits are always on the prowl for a smartphone to play Temple Run or Candy Crush on. Do not give in to those puppy eyes, or those cute smiles. They lie. Every single time. A tried and tested getaway strategy could be: “Nahi beta, battery low hai.” Say that, and you’re in the clear.
The Forever Alone Guy/Girl
Our hearts go out to the loners out there. But it gets annoying when they trap you in a conversation about their never-ending struggle with dating, and start talking and don’t stop. Beware of these guys, because they threaten your chances of talking to the cute guy/girl by the bar.
The Guy/Girl who’s only there for the food
Now we all have that one unbelievably thin friend who eats more than he/she weighs. That person is Exhibit E. They do not care what you’re talking about or who’s dancing with whom. They have absolutely no sense of their surroundings. They are there for one thing, and one thing only – food. It’s best to leave these guys alone until they’ve eaten. Once they’ve had their fill, they’re actually quite pleasant to be with.
This guy takes the adage “young at heart” a little too seriously. Don’t be fooled, the Bachelor is not 20 years old, as he is desperately trying to prove with his ’90s dance moves. He’s actually 40. He enjoys the company of hip, young lads just to remind himself that he’s still got the moves.
The Overly Attached Couple
These guys manage to take the ‘A’ out of Aww, and replace it with an ‘E’. (See what I did there?) Every party has the Overly Attached Couple, or as I like to call them, The Make Out Machines. They’re not hard to spot – just look for people feeding each other, drinking from one glass with two straws, or just PDA-ing to glory.
So there you have it! 7 kinds of people you meet on New Year’s Eve. Try avoiding them to the best of your ability. And don’t let them spoil the fun for you! Remember, you’re not alone. We’ve still got them outnumbered. Let us know if you have other kinds of people you meet at a party in the comments below!
By Karan Raikar