7 ways to bring Rahul Gandhi back

Where is Rahul Baba? The nation wants to know!Arnab Goswami

How can Rahul Gandhi take a leave like this? This is Chitting!Rakhi Sawant

These are just some of the voices of disappointment that Rahul Gandhi’s unexpected absence from the budget meeting has sparked.

The reactions, however, are surprising since no one seemed interested in hanging out with him when he was around in the first place. Irrespective of that, the buzz is that he is going to be the next president of Congress from April. Yeah, like that’s going to happen!

That brings us to the question – where is Rahul Gandhi?

Did it finally hit him that he is out of the PM race, or did he just want to pull off an Into the Wild scenario? The country has so many pressing issues right now, with no one substantial speaking up. Except Mohan Bhagwat maybe. As such, a unique (albeit childish) voice like that of Rahul Gandhi is what we need to hear.

Here’s how we can bring him back:

1. Delicious home-cooked meal

There is nothing more enticing than mouth-watering Italian cuisine. Maa ke haath ke khaane ki baat hi kuch aur hai. Maybe Momma Gandhi can Instagram a bowl of Spaghetti and Meatballs and tempt her young prince! Mamma Mia.
Or maybe Jalebis cooked in Sundrop oil would do. Who knows what Pappu likes!

2. Promise of a trip to PM’s house

Let’s, for a minute, agree to the fact that the least Mr. Modi could have done after winning the election was call Rahul for a movie night or a pajama party at his new home. But they can make amends now by giving Baba a round trip of the sprawling home on 7, Race Course Road.

3. A special Chai stall

The road to greatness starts with a lot of humility. That’s how our current PM reached unprecedented heights. Maybe what Rahul Baba really needs is to start at the bottom most level to get to the top by the time he reaches Mr. Modi’s age.

4. A suit with his name on it

Okay, even I am jealous of that suit. So it is a given that if Rahul Gandhi wore one with his name on it, he would joyfully return and flaunt it on every Congress EDM night.

5. A marathon Pogo-watching session

Maybe all this “managing the country” nonsense is too much for Rahul. Maybe all he needs is to unwind over some Chhota Bheem with his homies. Come back Rahul, Mummy-ji will let you watch Pogo as long as you want to. 

6. No more interviews with Arnab

Rahul Gandhi has been through a lot, you guys. Especially that interview with Arnab. Maybe if we promise to never ask him to do a live interview or to delete the old one forever, he might turn up. You never know.

7. Poonam Pandey will strip for you

Aww! Wouldn’t that be adorable? A treat to Rahul’s sore eyes. Convincing Poonam on the other hand isn’t much of a task. She will do it for anything. Win Win! Boing!

We really wish we knew where Rahul is. But all we want to say is: Come back Rahul, whether you are in Bangkok or Uttarakhand, come back. All is forgiven.

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