8 Things that make the T20 League bigger than Bollywood’s biggest egos

With the T20 League under way, and the Mumbai Indians resuming their age-old Tendulkar-opening tactics of scoring nothing till the 15th over before launching in the last 5 to score a deceptive total, here are 8 things one must know about this edition before becoming being thrown out by respective spouses for occupying the television every night from 8 PM and ignoring kids’ and family deaths and responsibilities:

1. Most of Bollywood and corporate India seems to have some stake in some part of some franchise, either through a boyfriend, husband, wife, partner, friend, star, colleague, business deal, dog, cat or billionaire.

2. Every low-budget Hindi/English/regional movie under the sun, even those that were made years ago, have been given release dates clashing with the tournament to get out of the way before the Khans take over the second half of 2015. By then, Dhoni will be the country’s darling again, and Yuvraj will be making his 12th comeback.

3. Coming home to a cricket match starting exactly at 8 pm every night, irrespective of who is playing, is every man’s revenge for wives/families/kids/neighbours/mistresses leaving the TV on through the day with annoying Comedy Nights with Kapil reruns blaring on screen.

4. Somewhere, a reality show is being conceptualized—a cricketing version of Big Boss that will have India’s most eligible cricketer bachelors vie for the hand of yet another upcoming Bollywood actress. Kohli needs company, Dhoni and Raina are married, and Rohit Sharma is the favourite for this title too, mostly because it is a domestic show.

5. One of the 3 Khans takes time out from not caring about his acting career to care profusely for his team, whose performances seem to be inversely proportional to this state of this Khan’s acting career.

6. The tournament is a field day for camerapersons WAG-spotting in huge stadiums that have people braving the torturous heat and harm to their complexions to watch cricketers be paid double of what they might earn in their entire lives for two hours of cricket on the field.

7. Any night now, a new off-field controversy might break out, and drive social media activists and Twitter ranters into a bloodthirsty frenzy—getting them interested in a sport they act like they don’t care about, because it is too mainstream.

8. The League will take people’s minds off what could possibly be a record-breaking summer, diverting their gleeful attention to the state of 22 players dying in the same heat on a field they are paid to play on for the pleasure of selectors, analysts and a nation. More so, it is our annual chance to spot Sehwag and Gambhir wield their bats again.

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