9 (Real) Problems Only (Real) Foodies Will Understand

First things first, let's establish a basic definition of what a foodie is. If you are 24 and you've been to a restaurant, you are not a foodie. If you have a smartphone with a camera and your Instagram is full of (hashtag) meal photos, you are not a foodie. If you love to eat without really experimenting a lot, you're not a foodie (the word is glutton). If you are more than willing to try a new cuisine or a dish, if you enjoy the local street food as much as you enjoy gourmet meals, and you make an active effort to increase your understanding about food, then you are a real foodie.
This differentiation is necessary because foodies take a certain pride in being who they are. And why not? Being a connoisseur is a full time job, and you commit to it knowing the risks of being a social outcast/snob. It has its pitfalls and only foodies can relate to these issues (okay, fine, first world problems).
 
#1. The Foodie Pyramid
The muggles think of the entire foodie-clan as a cult. That's not far from truth. Foodies have their levels of expertise and commitment. There are some who would travel the world to sample the best cuisines, while some are okay trying out the local  joints.
Yes, we are a cult. Yes, we look down on people with lesser commitment and passion for food.
 
#2. Food Inception
Has this ever happened to you? You are in a restaurant enjoying a great lunch and there is this nagging voice in your head asking you "All this is okay, but we should talk about dinner." So we are thinking about what kind of food to have for dinner, while enjoying a scrumptious lunch.
Yes, some might call it obsession. No, we don't really care.
 
 
#3. That dish on the neighbor’s table though
Speaking of restaurants, the asparagus is always greener on the other table. You place an order somewhere between reading the menu for the thousandth time and apologizing to the waiter who is on the verge of giving up on you. And then fate plays the cruel trick on you. On your neighboring table, you see the most gorgeously plated dish. But you have already placed an order, so you sit there quietly. You limply promise yourself that you'll hunt this dish down and eat the f**k out of it the next time you're in this restaurant. If you haven't faced this frustration, have you really lived a full life?
You say greedy, we say  connoisseur. Moving on…
 
#4. The food-versus-saving-money dilemma
At the end of every month, at the end of every year, you assure yourself and everyone else that you will eat simple home food from now on and not waste money eating out. You will save it for better things like future, because, you know, adulting. But on a second thought…food!
The heart wants what the heart wants. Hint: it wants food. 
 
#5. The food-versus-being-healthy dilemma
There is this dream of being physically attractive – chiseled cheekbones, flat stomach, fashionable clothes, that feeling of being super confident. This is everything you need to be awesome. But on a second thought…food!
If God wanted us thin, why did He make desserts? It's divine intervention, really. 
 
#6. Your face is a bad restaurant!
You can hate/love SRK/Salman Khan. You can follow whatever religion you wish to. I will also laugh at all your dead baby and yo-mamma's-so-fat jokes. We live in democracy and you are allowed to have your opinions. Just not about my favorite restaurant. Let's be civil, please.
There are two types of people I know: those who don't like my favorite restaurant and those who are my friends.
 
#7. When someone asks you which is your favorite dish
If you were to lose one of your limbs, which ones would you save? You get the drift, right? This is one of the most criminal questions to ask a foodie. We don't know! We love them all the same.
<Insert an emotional rant about how every food is awesome in its own way, here>
 
#8. Masterchef is no less than Baywatch…
…different kind of dishes, same feeling. And it's not just the TV show. If you see our social media feed (pun not intended), it is full of interesting anecdotes, facts, and photos about food all over the world. Our internet bookmarks are food-related too. Our calendars are full of workshops, wine-tasting, and checking new restaurants. What better way to spend the weekends, bishes!
When it's a choice between following food or Kim Kardashian, is it really a choice, now? 
 
#9. Knowing the fact that you can never taste everything
This is as real as it gets. We will never be able to taste everything yummy. Even if we dedicate a good part of our lives to sampling various cuisines, we will still miss out on so much! It's depressing, alright. But then you have to get up, dress up, show up, and eat up. 
It's either that or being sad.
With so many people working relentlessly towards making your gastronomic experience amazing, how can you be sad!
 
We walk amongst you, but you may never realize. We are labeled a lot of (hurtful) things, but we don't care. We are foodies and we are proud.

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