I Braved Kyaa Kool Hain Hum 3 and Mastizaade

You know what’s worse than catching the First Day First Show of a terrible Tusshar Kapoor movie? Watching another terrible Tusshar Kapoor movie the very next week! This probably is an example of a joke used to scare moviegoers till it became a reality last weekend. Filmmaking in Bollywood hit a new nadir this fine fortnight of January 2016 with Kyaa Kool Hain Hum 3 and Mastizaade

The trailers of both movies tried outdoing each other in crassness in the name of "sex comedy” and it was little surprise when after having watched both of them, it turned out that the trailers were the lesser evil. 
 
When you stepped out of the theater with your girlfriend watching Kyaa Kool Hain Hum 3, she probably told you, “It doesn’t get worse than this”. Milap Zaveri smiled somewhere – “Just you wait”. Then came Mastizaade that pretty much looked like a coming together of all the material including (perhaps) Vir Das rejected by Team KKHH3. 
 
Besides the big bad word, SEX, there were several punishments that were common in these two headliners at a Cringefest. Let’s take a look, shall we? 

The Big T

                                                                                                     Lest We Forget

This man’s persistence must be awarded. And then, you remember Kamaal R Khan still exists chin up. Kabhi Kanhaiya Kabhi Sunny Kele, Tusshar will take all that the world throws at him. The infamous social media-dubbed Totapuri stunt for the previous edition of the KKHH franchise that made him the butt (pardon the disgusting pun) of all jokes could do little to dent his confidence. Bring it on, he probably thought, and came the two masterpieces this month; the ones that made you want to long (at your own peril) for repeat viewings of Love U…Mr. Kalakaar!

C’mon though! Even Uday Chopra learnt his lesson and retired. 

Non-Veg Jokes

                                                                                                     Laugh? No? Ok! 

This is what we called these ‘jokes’ that you find aplenty in KKHH3 and Mastizaade back in Class 2. Guilty as charged; we did laugh at Popat, Kele, Lele and unfortunate last names but it stopped being funny right then. Clearly, Mr. Zaveri who is responsible for both movies has not had enough and his Twitter bio scarily remindsGreat Grand Masti 3 to follow”. 

Much-in-demand Junior Actors. Not!

                                                                                                     Yay! It’s Payday.

The two movies at least were of some help to some people.
You see, when Aftab Shivdasani is not coyly smiling out of jewellery ads at Dadar and Chembur stations, he ‘acts’ in movies. After all, even Ram Gopal Varma does not bother much now. 
There is Shakti Kapoor who now successfully uses all the sleaze associated with him to his advantage. Watch KKHH3 to know how. 
Asrani has no qualms being called “A-Shit” while reminding us yet again how he was the “Angrezo ke zamaane ka jailor”. Gang Sholay sighs!
For somebody called Shaad Randhawa
And for every participant who enters Bigg Boss ka house with the hope of getting at least one opportunity in a Balaji movie. 

Animal, Gay, Women Rights? “There, they fly out of the window”

                                                                             What to do? We are like this only! 

A dog pleasuring a strange elderly person is ‘funny’. Your zipper getting stuck in a horse’s behind is ‘funny’. 
Of course, being gay is always ‘funny’. Suresh Menon will swear his portrayal of a ‘homosexual man on heat’ is not insensitive at all. 
Breasts are always ‘funny’. ‘Titli Bubna’ is the funniest you can get when cracking a ‘boob joke’. Only till the moment Vir Das is made to deliver an inane comment on ‘nipples’. Now, that is even funnier. Take careful notes, budding writers. 
Apologetic? What for?
 
The problem perhaps lies in the very term – sex comedy. This is not being prudish. Sex in this country firstly needs to be spoken about seriously. It can be laughed at, later.

 

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