If Hercules starred in Titanic…

Ladies and Gents, it’s time to get your Greek on. Hercules is here, walloping the monsters and taking names. Yeah… the OG Hero! The demigod with the strength of a thousand men. So get your favorite tunics and your clubs, it is time to open a can of whoop-a*$. Can you smell it? Something is cooking and it ain’t a salad.

The best parts of the myth of Hercules are the stories. The stuff of legend. This is the guy that gave us phrase “Herculean strength”. But wait… heroes need some TLC too. The life of a hero is a lonely one. What if Hercules was stuck in a rom-com? What would he do? How would it change the story?

That is a fun thought. Lets run with it, shall we?

 

Now this is the 21st century. These days, every romantic lead has the standard cliches. But it is time to throw a monkey wrench into the machinery. This is where Hercules comes in. For example: Titanic, a story about forbidden love, an iceberg and a rather big door (There was space on it for two people, but no, she had to stretch, much like hogging the covers). The movie would have ended very differently if Herc was around. In this case, Hercules would be the strong wing-man. When the iceberg looms in the distance, Herc would have stepped up. Iceberg meet Fist, Fist meet iceberg. Boom! Add vodka, some margarita mix and instant cruise drink. The Titanic would have escaped its fate. Lo and behold, Jack and Rose would have gone off into the sunset, where he would continue to draw french ladies while Rose would seethe and nag him when he’d come home, smelling of charcoal and cheap perfume.

 

 

But in the previous case Herc was the side-kick. What if he was the lead in a romantic film? Take Notting Hill. How would it change? For starters, the movie would now be called – Olympus Mountain. The role of Julia Roberts would be played by Hercules (as himself, the demigod of legend) and Megara would play the travel book store owner. Since Megara is being played by Irina Shayk, that is one hot bookseller. She would be in awe of Herc. It would be sweet and rather cute, but here is the twist, Herc would have to relinquish his fame for Megara. Let’s add some masala here… Megara now becomes a successful author. Herc has to stand in the shadows for once. So there you have it, drama, romance, resentment and some comic relief as Hercules has to deal with the nitty-gritties of daily life in Olympus Mountain, paying bills and cooking a decent meal. In the end, we get the two of them attempt to balance lives, fame and checkbooks. What are you waiting for, Hollywood? Make this happen.


 

Hollywood has been responsible for a lot of drama. Every guy knows the trauma and pain that they had to suffer while watching movies like “The Notebook” and “The Fault in Our Stars”. But hey, we have to suffer in silence and sit quietly as the tears flow. But Hercules is here to save the day. Think of him as the actual Last Action Hero. He would shift into these films and give us someone to root for. In the case of “Romeo+Juliet”, Hercules would be epic in the shoes of Romeo. Yeah, yeah, blurring the lines of fiction and all that, but bear with me here. So forget “ But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?” It will be more, “Julie baby, what up? You heading out? How about you and me ditch these cats and chill?” Hercules will be able to single-handedly take on the whole Capulets clan and wipe the street with them. However, he has to fight off Death in order to save Juliet. The fight sequence will be glorious. I think it would be an arm-wrestling challenge which will be the clincher.

 

Here is a thought: What if Hercules showed up in the film “Pretty Woman”? Imagine that. This demigod striding down the street and finds Julia Roberts. Richard Gere wouldn’t stand a chance. Thousand dollar suits and a fancy car just wouldn’t cut the mustard when you go up against the legend. Hercules would just flex one pectoral and instant swoon, the girl would be putty in his hands. With one tap, Hercules would be able rearrange the facial features of anyone who gave his lady any guff. The movie would go from being a romantic one to epic adventure through Sunset Boulevard.

 

These are just a few ideas to think about. So let your imagination run wild and tell us which other films would Hercules be awesome in. And in the meantime, get ready to catch Hercules in a cinema near you. Watch a man become the hero of legend

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