T20 League: An award-winning show

At the end of week 1 of the league, here is a lowdown on statistics and winners in some interesting categories. Everyone must win an award, mirroring Bollywood’s obsession of inventing a category to keep everyone happy.

Black Cap Award: Team Pakistan
Despite the loads of Aman ki Asha gibberish that fills everyone’s timelines, the BCCI have made such a strong statement over the years while governing the IPL by ignoring Pakistan players—arguably the most dynamic league (or any) cricketers — North Korea would be proud of these democratic ways.

Yellow Cap Award: Sunil Gavaskar
The new (interim) chief of BCCI, he is cricket’s version of Ryan Giggs currently — running the biggest T20 tournament on the planet, while completely distancing himself from the commentary boxes and his old pals, team dugouts, CSK and his own son.

AAP Cap Award: Mumbai Indians
Proven themselves to be an outfit with utmost generosity and honesty as their theme. Their losses have been equally divided between North and South India (KXIP and CSK picking up Maxwell, Johnson and Smith), furthering their reputation as the messiahs of democracy.

Best Slow-Clapper: Shane Watson & Rahul Dravid
The thinktank of the Royals are so busy clapping to Sanju Samson’s shots in the dugout that they’ve forgotten to lead a team that has prided its own ‘underdog’ status for 6 years. 2 losses out of 3, and they’re not even underdogs/dark horses anymore.

Best Mimicry artist: Glenn Maxwell
He could very well be christened Glenwinder Singh MaxPower after his stint with Punjab this year. Put the likes of Chris Gayle, McCullum, Miller and AB together, and you get the energizer bunny to end all Red Bull ads. The Australian, who hasn’t been utilized well by his own national team, continues to make the Ambanis weep in the lap of their retired mentor after every subsequent 95 he scores.

Best Octopussy moment: Shikhar Dhawan facing Mitchell Johnson
The moustache-wielding marauder has lost everything but his moustache. He resembled an octopus in a Bond Girl’s arms while facing the fastest bowler in the world — playing away from his body, looking intimidated by his reputation and refusing to show up for a contest. Sehwag must be licking his older fingers, watching his younger replacement fall to pieces. A last-place finish for his team Sunrisers could be the death knell for this proud Jatt.

Best Commentator-kiss-of-death award: Rameez Raja on Sanju Samson
The Pakistani commentator commented, after Samson deposited the ball into the stands against CSK, that the young Indian is a lot like Rohit Sharma in his early league years. Of course, this ‘promising’ comment about a ‘talented’ player led to Samson being dismissed two balls later, and a team disintegrating in the face of unbearable commentary.

Best Team Owner: Delhi Daredevils
Nobody knows. Nobody expects. Nobody cares. ‘Big buy’ KP hasn’t even made the ground yet, with Delhi losing 2 of their first 3 games. For the record, they have finished last TWICE in IPL history.

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