What’s with sex comedies and animals? In last week’s Kyaa Kool Hain Hum 3, a rat, a dog, a horse, and a parrot were each humiliated for the sake of a dirty joke or two. In Mastizaade, a horse’s tail gets accidentally caught in Vir Das’ zipper, and when Tusshar Kapoor tries to extricate his friend from the animal…well, you can guess what it looks like.

In another scene, a harmless donkey, minding his own business, is also violated for the sake of a cheap gag. Animals, however, aren’t the only ones who get the short end of the stick in Mastizaade. This film is cheerfully offensive to women, to handicapped people, to gays, to old people, and to just about anyone with a modicum of taste.

Cementing his reputation as the purveyor of all things puerile and putrid, co-writer/director Milap Zaveri (also credited with writing KKHH3 and Grand Masti) scrapes the bottom of the barrel for double-meaning jokes about ‘gotis’ and ‘kelas’, and for infantile visual gags involving well-endowed women bursting out of their blouses. We get a roster of unfortunately named characters including Dr Maalkholkar, Mr Khadawala, Titli Bubna, and UR Ashit. Also gay characters in Zaveri’s films exist only to prey on straight men.

Very little of this feels fresh or genuinely funny, and there’s virtually no plot to speak of. Vir Das plays Aditya Chothia and Tusshar Kapoor is Sunny Kele. They’re the sort of guys who hang out at sex addiction rehab groups to pick up frisky women. But it’s love at first sight for both buddies when they lay their eyes on Lily and Laila Lele, a pair of twin sisters, both played by Sunny Leone. Problems arise when Aditya learns that Lily is engaged to another man, and Sunny discovers that Laila is a sex addict who only wants to bed him without any romantic involvement.

For some, the promise of two Sunny Leones for the price of one may be enough to invest in a ticket of Mastizaade. But believe me, there is such a thing as too much heaving bosom and jiggling backside. I found myself cringing more than laughing at the film’s idea of outrageous, adult humor. I’m going with one out of five.

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