Each morning, we struggle to get out of bed. The day awaits us. The KRAs are still pending (never figured out what that meant, I think it stands for Key Rascals Asking). In our haste, we have forgotten if we have washed our hair twice or once. Is it a good idea to pee in the shower or not? After all, the pipes are connected? How crumpled is crumpled (the shirt, not the notes)? Do you look like you have just braved a hurricane and turned up at the office? Are people wondering whether you have been homeless for years or just modeling a new fashion-line (10 points if you get the movie reference)
Do you want to do something about it? Here is the ultimate guide to instant makeovers. Courtesy: Hollywood!
Hair today, gone tomorrow:
Let’s start with hair. If it is tied up, then set it free. Guys, you can do the same thing. Remember to have a close friend stand close-by with a fan. The breeze will help give you the windswept look. I am saying close friend, ’cause he/she might be tempted to trim your locks. Get someone you trust to do this. If you have friends like mine however, then just avoid sharp blades at all costs. If you do not have the hair fortitude then fret not, use various colors to highlight the fact that your head has turned into a landing beacon for aircraft.
It is important to remember that we are talking about your own. Not someone else’s in a jar. So no Kill Bill routine with the eyeball. Or the Minority Report business of eye replacement. In this case, you can go for contact lenses of different colors. Added spice, make sure you get two different types of lenses. Personally, I’d want one which is blood red with a targeting symbol in between them, and the other will be a lizard eye. If they want eye-catching, then hell’s bells, go all out!
Now, this goes out to all the guys out there. Forget the girls, they know what to do about this. Use chapstick. Rather, use lip gloss. The shinier the better. The more you sparkle, the more twilight fans will flock to you. Remember to brood rather crankily and act like you are constipated. That will get their attention or atleast you will get some laxative.
Here we are constrained by the budget. Not ours, the national budget, of course. Ladies and Gentlemen, we are living in an age where clothes are designed in Milan, Paris, Tokyo, and London, and made in a sweatshop in Malaysia, shipped across the world and branded in Bangladesh. Here is a tip, never wear more than item of sports themed clothing. Unless you are paid by Nike or Reebok, you will just end up looking like a Jersey Shore reject. The more holes you have in your clothing, the better. All the more to see most of you with. Girls, feel free to disregard this advice. Let the boys embarrass themselves.
In case you are wondering what does a fat suit have to do with a makeover, it’s easy. It is the fake reverse makeover. Wear a fat suit for a few weeks and take it off one fine day. Voila, instant makeover. Skinny and easy (not in the biblical sense)
There, you have it. 5 ways to overhaul the way you look. Actually, they aren’t really. Because, by now, you might have realized that this list is rather ridiculous. Just like the people who think that a makeover on the surface can change the way you really are. You are the best version of yourself there is and you are unique in every way. If the rest of world can’t see that you are made of stars then it is okay. Venus de Milo is missing her arms, it is those little things that set you apart.