Every Hollywood remake takes a risk. A risk of being compared to its predecessor. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. This time, it has officially stunk. Tarzan has been remade and brought back to the screen. It really begs the question, why not just leave it. But never mind, you are now going to be subjugated to around 95 minutes of animated torture. The film is just painful. With cliched lines and soppy dialogue and holier-than-thou narration, you will feel actual anger and irritation. On the whole, this is a movie which is just sad attempt at making a classic story relevant, and failing at it on a grand scale.

Directed by Reinhard Klooss, Tarzan delivers zilch. The story has been re-done to sell the notion of a man-ape to this generation of smart-phone addicts a.k.a. Kids. You are taken to the jungles of Africa, where the parents of our young vine-swinging hero are prospecting for some kind of magic rock. As luck would have it, they perish in a fiery crash, leaving the young J.J. Greystoke, who has nicknamed himself as Tarzan, orphaned. Now if you are wondering what is so wrong with this story, then let me help you out. The film is animated. Voice talents can only take a movie so far, after that it depends on the script, the graphics and the direction to make it good. You might be wondering what about Tarzan, surely they couldn’t have gotten his character wrong. But they have. Tarzan isn’t the king of the jungle, more the ‘coo-ing mama-gorilla’s boy’. Tarzan’s voice is given by Kellan Lutz, of the Twilight saga fame. His depth of voice acting is as shallow as jumping into a thimble of water.

No matter, what about Jane, Tarzan’s lady who is played by Spencer Locke. She is shown as a vapid blond and almost permanently in danger or distress. One wonders whether she should be roped off with caution tape and just designated as accident zone. The gorillas look like people dressed up in gorilla suits. I scratched my head, wondering how did they manage to do that with animation. The various other characters are as dull as dust. The whole “lost-boy growing up to be the awesomest guy in a loin cloth” story is just tossed aside. Instead you are given a creepy, shaggy-headed creep who stares at Jane till his eyes threaten to fall out. The plot is thin, so thin in fact that you can find oil-slicks thicker than it. Corny lines and terrible story just makes the film longer. Compared to the other Tarzan-like films in the past, this movie doesn’t even make passing grade. The old Disney feature was much better than this one in a lot of ways. In fact, you will start to miss “George Of the Jungle” while watching this movie.

If you are insisting on catching this film, here are a few reasons why:
The animation is alright. The details in the computer graphics are good. In 3D, you get to enjoy the depth of field, and the wonderful background. Other than that, it’s just another Hollywood remake gone awfully wrong.  

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