NO PROBLEM

In one particularly tasteless scene in director Anees Bazmee’s "No Problem", Akshaye Khanna dressed in drag, is mistaken for a prostitute and picked off the street by Anil Kapoor, who brings him home and begins to grope him on the bed. It’s after Anil has practically climbed on top of him, that Akshaye tells him he has AIDS, a trick that makes Anil back off right away.
 
In another scene, Paresh Rawal spots Akshaye Khanna with black paint smeared all over his face, prompting him to make a loud declaration that he hates blacks. This incident takes place at a crowded beach in Durban where most of the film is set, and where Paresh’s character is promptly beaten up by the African locals who are understandably offended. One outraged woman even says: "Obama is the President of America, and you still hate blacks?"
 
"No Problem", as you can see, is a rather ironic title for a film that is offensive on so many levels.
 
The core plot of this spectacularly stupid film involves a diamond heist gone wrong. Sunil Shetty stars as a nostril-flaring gangster, Sanjay Dutt and Akshaye Khanna play petty thieves, and Anil Kapoor is a police officer who is ticklish because he has two bullets lodged in his stomach. Each of them is in search of these diamonds that have gone missing. Sushmita Sen stars as Anil’s schizophrenic wife who alternates between doting on him, and trying to kill him. Kangana Ranaut is Sushmita’s eccentric, narcissistic sister who falls for Akshaye.
 
In the tradition of his previous films, "Welcome" and "Singh is Kinng", director Anees Bazmee works with a non-existent script to create humor out of oddball characters and chaotic situations. I didn’t think much of either of those two films, but there were some genuinely comical moments in both. The gags in "No Problem", however, fall flat repeatedly because the actors participating in them are in auto-pilot mode, and because the jokes are just not funny.
 
Your heart sinks when veteran 70s villain Ranjeet appears as a gangster’s henchman with facial hair to rival Teen Wolf. But believe me, you ain’t seen nothing till you’re confronted with the sight of a gorilla letting out a powerful fart in the film’s climax, which sends Anil Kapoor flying to the other end of the room.
 
I’m going with one out of five for director Anees Bazmee’s "No Problem". Move over "Housefull", 2010’s most abysmal comedy has arrived!
 
 

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