T20 LEAGUE: THE NEWS MINUTE

Satire

With the edition now midway through the 2015 season, this tournament has thrown up plenty of ooh, aahs, yawns, grunts, heys and fixed! Chants. While that’s par for the course in any high profile T20 tournament, there has been news that has made headlines, and some that has barely managed to find space on page 18 in the column at the corner below the discrete Viagra ads. Let us take a look at these tidbits:
 
STARC TO BUY RCB
Mitchell Starc, the best bowler in world cricket, has arrived in style for the Royal Challengers, making them win both the games he has played in. They are bottom no more, and now he has launched an audacious bid to buy the entire team from an owner who seems to have mistaken F1 for cricket and beer for water. There’s nothing Starc can’t do right now, and his in-swinging toe-crushers has the likes of Rameez and Sidhu shaking a leg with scantily clad cheerleaders in the studio. 
 
NARINE TO SUE CSK
Sunil Narine, once again banned from playing due to an action that has raised a few eyebrows—mainly because he has managed only two wickets in the 4 games he played—has moved every lower court in India to sue CSK, claiming that he has been harassed only because CSK face KKR twice in three days at the end of April. CSK has countersued Narine, and threatened to deport him if he doesn’t consider changing nationalities and playing as a lead spinner for India. His first name makes him vulnerable, and Narine was last heard considering the offer that he can’t refuse.
 
NEHRA TO OPEN BANANA-THEMED AMUSEMENT PARK
This is in no way a racist jibe to Symonds, but Ashish Nehra—whose 6 wicket burst against England in the 2003 World Cup saw the sales of bananas skyrocket through the roof because of his throwing-up of the fruit while bowling the spell of his life—has once again turned to bananas while wearing yellow for CSK. He has been seen chewing on the banana peels too at the boundary line before every over, before one keen business enthusiast ball-boy convinced the 35-year old bowler that he must capitalize on this iconic relationship. Therefore, a banana-themed amusement park is being considered in every city Nehra picks more than 2 wickets in. 
 
GAYLE TO CHALLENGE MCCULLUM to 100 mts. SPRINT
Chris Gayle, who is not known to walk, run, move or show any kind of human emotion on the field, has enraged Kiwis by claiming that he has only conserved his energy all his life so that he could prove that he is the fastest Jamaican alive. Usain Bolt agrees to this, Trent Boult not so much. McCullum has scoffed at his claims, and has agreed to his 100 mts. race to be held on the cement pitches of the Chinnaswamy stadium in Bangalore. 

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